In Stephen R. Covey’s book The 8th Habit Covey describes an effective listening and communication concept he calls the “Indian Talking Stick Communication Concept.” In describing this concept he uses a humorous farmer wants divorce story. Effective listening and listening empathetically are illustrated in the farmer wants divorce story and other points such as not speaking until the person talking asks if you understand their point and focus on understanding (not agreeing) are also illustrated in this story. According to Covey, silence is important part of the Indian Talking Stick communication and he uses the humorous farmer wants divorce story to demonstrate communication that is opposite of that of Indian Talking Stick communication:

Farmer Wants Divorce

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.”

The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”

The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”

The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?”

The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”

The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”

And the farmer says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

(Quoted from The 8th Habit by Stephen R. Covey pg. 201-200).

The farmer wants divorce story illustrates Covey’s point that semantic and perception ideas dissolve when listening with true empathy to another person.